“If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.” – Michel de Montaigne
Dave and I have been married 30 years this year. As I have written in the past, we really stink at celebrating our anniversary and even our birthdays are a struggle. Last year on our 29th, we both forgot, completely. It’s better if you both forget than just one, trust me. Anyway, we laughed about it and only remembered because others remembered and emailed, called, or sent cards! So, in my usual, snide humor I suggested that perhaps, since next year would be our 30th, and we have been through so much in the past 3 years, maybe we should actually DO SOMETHING to commemorate the longevity of our union? Yes? Dave nodded. “Yeah, that would be good.” I continued, “Since we really stink at it, perhaps, we should give ourselves THE ENTIRE YEAR to DO SOMETHING?” Dave nodded, “Yeah that would probably be a good idea.” So in March he booked a cruise. Now mind you, I love a cruise. It’s warm, all your stuff is in one place. You don’t have to haul your suitcases around from hotel to hotel for a sight seeing excursion. You get to see multiple cool places, meet interesting people, and there is little you could possibly want for. It’s relaxing or insanely exciting, depending on what you like in a vacation. Which is really the best part.
2007, 6 mos before diagnosis
I’m a find a spot I like, sit, read, knit, talk to strangers and hear their stories, have a wonderful drink with little umbrellas in it and just chill out. Looking out on the sea for hours on end is totally my idea of R&R. Dave on the other hand, feels a need to run around and DO all the things that are on THE LIST! It makes me crazy. The first time we actually did a real vacation, we fought the whole time. He said things like, “I paid all this money for you to sit on the beach and read a book!” Yeah, you did, and it is wonderful. So when we went on our first cruise I said to him. “So look, you need to LEAVE ME BE BUDDY! I’ll do a show, the formal, and the island excursions, but the rest of the time, I’ll be Aft Deck reading, knitting, relaxing and meeting folks. If you want to do that great. If you don’t, that’s OK too.” He did and we had the best time. On our second cruise, he even won the miniature golf competition! Now I did feel bad about that, that I didn’t know he won or even that he was competing! So we went back up top and staged some winning photos with his little medal around his neck.
So the Oasis of the Seas. Not exactly what I would have picked. I would prefer a much smaller vessel. But hey, he did it, and I’m game. Finding my quiet spot might be a bit of challenge, but I will. And I reminded him, “YOU can go do all the crazy nonsense, but I’m finding my perch and I will let you know where you can find me.” He smirked and smiled and gave me a hug. “Ok, honey, Ok.”
We are going to a private beach in Haiti, Jamaica, and then to Cozumel. (Hoping “Rina” does her deal and moves out!) But before that, Dave will be on business in New Orleans giving a presentation on his research. I will meet him in Ft. Lauderdale and we will drive to Miami to see our son for a day and night. Can’t wait for that! Then back to Ft. Lauderdale and catch “the boat”. Boat? Who am I kidding?
So, expect no updates from ‘ol Lor over the next 10 days or so. I know you will forgive me and celebrate in the joy of our ability to do something like this while trekking through “Myelomaville”. I will miss you, as I always do, while I’m gone. Take care of yourselves.
PS… In my nagging worries about food bars, loads of people and Dave’s immune system… I ran into a couple in Arkansas who have done this same cruise. When Dave and he went for their BMB’s, I leaned over to his wife and said, “So were you worried? About the food, the germs, etc.?” She said no and they had no problems. Just the normal precautions they take everyday. Lots of hand washing and so on. Ok, ok. Well, I’m going to have a little chat with Dave anyway. May have to follow him around a bit at the food bar and tell him what to stay away from and to try to do short order cook stuff as much as possible. 🙂 Perhaps find out when they put the stuff out fresh and try to get there around that time. I think it will be fine. He travels a lot for work, eats in restaurants, it’s been OK.
Dear Kevin, Your story sounds a lot like mine when Dave was diagnosed. I was all set for a trip to Egypt with girlfriends. My first off “this rock” as I say, not counting Hawaii and some Islands in an around N. America. I was pretty excited. Pyramids, visiting a friend’s brother who lives there, a cruise down the Nile, etc. Then Dave’s diagnosis changed everything. Poof, out the window, gone. A gal got my trip and went instead and I’m still hoping to get some travel in, someday. 🙂 As with many things we face after a cancer diagnosis, it has a whole new perspective and place of importance. Everything seems to get shuffled around and I often think that the silver lining in it all is that we have found the “secret of life”. Great to hear from you. Loved your story. Hug your wife for me and stay well! I’ll be putting up some pictures soon and get back to regular blog posts. I hit the ground running when I got home and just got my photos off the camera yesterday. 🙂
Congratulations on celbrating your 30th anniversary and enjoy your cruise (I am definately envious). My wife and I celebrated our 30th anniversary this past June. Like you, we started planning a year or so in advance and had narrowed it to Costa Rica, New Zealand, or Italy. Unfortunately, this past January is when I was diagnosed with MM, and our plans got derailed due to treatment, costs of treatment, side effects of treatment, etc. We downgraded from those destinations, to perhaps visiting the Grand Canyon, then to a weekend in New York, and finally settled on a very nice dinner together. Having to curtail our plans like this is one of the more dissappointing consequences from this past year. My treatment runs into 2013, but at that time, assuming I’m in remission, we sure hope to make up for it. Again, hope your trip is wonderful.
It was Sandy! We had a lovely time and are still riding on it. I hope to get some photos up next week. Hit the ground running once we got home and haven’t been able to get that all done yet. 🙂
Hope the Oasis was just that for the two of you…
How fabulous Lori and Dave. Both of you should celebrate the (blank) out of this vacation–so deserved. Here’s a toast from Fernando and I. We went on somewhat the same cruise from Gatlinberg TX. Had a great time–in fact I was the winner of one of those dance contests things at Margaritaville in Jamaica. Loved the food and still spend time sending email to friends we made while cruising. I’m still catching up due to the busy,busy week…so you are probably on the “ship”. Just know I wish you safe travel and calming seas…
Lori, I wish you both a fun and relaxing cruise.
Boy! Did your anniversary story ever hit home with me! I had promised Ninfa a trip to Hawaii for about 10 anniversaries starting with our 30th. After telling her again for our 40th, she said she would not wait and we went on our 39th. Our first time there and 12 wonderful days in Oahu and Maui. Luckily she made me do it then because it was only 10 months later she was diagnosed with amyloidosis and MM. Had we waited until our 40th, we never would of made it. She almost didn’t see our 40th due to her condition at the time, however; she has rebounded nicely and maybe we can make Hawaii again! Enjoy your cruise and Ninfa and I wish you the best!
have a wonderful time !!!! Your quote says it all we will have been married 48 years in July our love and friendship has endured our key is communication not always smoothly done but sooner or later it gets resolved. Caregivers are special angels in our lives. Blessing to you and yours mary louise go with the flow
Thank you everyone!
Looks like we might have a change in itinerary with Hurricane Rina hitting Cozumel. This will indeed be “an adventure” in that regard. Since I haven’t been to many places in that area I’m pretty flexible. But then as you all know with cancer, “flexibility” is the name of the game. Being willing to experience what each day brings in the way of changes.
Good luck Jen with Mike’s participation in UCSF’s clinical trial for his MM.
Congratulations to you, Lori and Dave! Mike and I can completely relate (my husband Mike was diagnosed with MM in 2009). Mike heads into a clinical trial @ UCSF next week, which will be an 8 month process. I turned the big 50 a few weeks ago and Mike and I decided to go to the Big Island for 2 weeks of R&R before we head into the next chapter of “Myelomaville” to use your phrase!!! Highly recommend taking a time out for just the two of you, ENJOY!!!
Jen Walker
Sonoma County, CA
Have a great time Lori!
well, you guys DID IT! all the plans you made are finally going to happen. so HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY, BON VOYAGE, AND DON’T WORRY…BE HAPPY!!! and just think, dave has done so well, been so many places and been exposed to god know’s what – and he checked out just fine in arkansas. but i know, i know – even on just a little 4 day get away, i brought lysol spray AND big honkin’ wipe down every surface disinfectant cloths, TONS of hand sanitizer, gloves, our own pillows, and a couple of masks for good measure.
OY!
Happy Anniversary and have a wonderful time on your cruise! We took our first cruise one year before EZ was diagnosed, for our 33 anniversary, and enjoyed it so much. Glad you will be taking the necessary precautions to minimize germ exposure, but realizing there is only so much you can do, ENJOY YOURSELVES!
Haha Margaret! I know!!!! I had this niggling in the back of my mind for months. Should I have a word with the ship’s doc? Should I have a word with the ship’s chef? What, what, what, can I do to make sure we have a great time, with a minimum of worry? What I know is the ships are very germ conscious because of the outbreaks the cruise industry has had in the past and the elderly cruisers they have on a regular basis zipping around on their scooters wearing oxygen! Brave souls. But I will scope it out with my ever vigilant self and make sure Dave is aware of what he needs to be careful of. Hopefully it will be minimal. We’ll probably have more trouble in the ports than on the ship!
Have a fabbbbulous time, Lori, and…HAPPY ANNIVERSARY or BUON ANNIVERSARIO as we would say over here!!! 🙂
Oh, and thanks for adding that P.S. As I was reading your post, I was thinking, “holy cats, what about all those cruising germs?” I feel reassured now. 🙂
Have fun and take loads of photos!!! Ciao!
OH, very cool Christine! I will be out getting some last minute things and will definitely pick some up!
Hi Lori – Enjoy and celebrate, I hope you have a great time! Also, a new product just came out that protects your toothbrush from germs, and would probably help on something like a cruise ship. It’s called a toothbrush sheild, trade name Intellident – you can get it on the website (http://toothbrushshield.com/) or at CVS or Walgreens.
Happy anniversary! Best, Chris