Aug 7th, 2010 by Lori Puente
Shenandoah National Park, VA
“No one experiences freedom until they stop pushing against others. The only thing that binds you is the pushing against that which is unwanted.” – Abraham
As many of you know or have experienced, there are sometimes tremendous difficulties in dealing with our healthcare system, pharmacies, doctors, nurses, receptionists, insurance companies, even family and friends! I would sometimes feel as though I was just being piled on and all I wanted to do was stay focused on getting my husband through his healthcare crisis. When dealing with “other” difficult issues that move you off that goal, here are some things that worked for me, and I offer them here for you to ponder, contemplate, and give them a whirl.
First – “decide” that there is in fact someone, who WILL help you.
Second – “decide” that it will be resolved.
Third – take some time to calm yourself before you address the situation and solicit assistance.
Fourth – solicit assistance.
Fifth – UNDERSTAND that the person on the other side has their job to do too and don’t ask them to violate any rules that would endanger their job.
Sixth – my opening line, after introducing myself and asking how their day is going in a cheerful, genuinely, interested voice, is the following: “Listen, I’m having a problem with (A, B, C), and I’m sure you can appreciate how stressful this can all be for someone in my position (a little emotion here is acceptable if its your personality to be a little griefy), and I’m just looking for someone who really likes to solve problems that I can talk to for some guidance and help.” (Most people naturally like to help and most people like to solve problems. If the person on the phone can help you, they will, if they can’t they will often connect you to someone who really does indeed like to solve problems. Don’t get angry or frustrated toward them, but see if you can get them to be creative and think of a ‘work around’. It has amazed me what people don’t know that they know!!!! Always polite, always thoughtful, yelling at them or being angry crowds their mind and doesn’t give them enough space to come up with a solution, not too mention at that point they just want to get you off the phone!)
Seventh – YOU BE: Accommodating, understanding, willing to compromise, and be sure to validate them and even write them a little note later, if appropriate, thanking them for all their help and support, even it doesn’t work out perfectly – they will appreciate it and you might be quite surprised that you have garnered a new ally!
Eighth – DO NOT be critical or minimize yourself or them.
Give this a try and see if you don’t garner some success and a new outlook. Stuff happens. Barriers are erected that you need to overcome. It seems like when you get things moving along, something else comes along that you need to address. Don’t fight it, don’t push back on it, but take a deep breath, a short walk, reflect, decide how you want to approach it, be kind, and above all, keep your eye on the end result you WANT, not what you don’t want. That “I just don’t want…” is a complete and total trap! You will get EXACTLY that!
It continues to amaze me how seldom I get these sort of headaches these days – I have no resistance to them anymore. I am very, simply, willing to experience anything. It is quite intoxicating actually. Getting Dave on board was more challenging, but he did, and it has been amazing.
Let me know how it goes. Best, Lori