“One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.” – Unknown
I read once that depression comes from thinking of past, that stress comes from worrying about future, and the best way to combat both is to think and be in the present. I would have to agree.
For some of us it comes fairly easy to do this, to leave shame, blame and regret at the door. Take responsibility for all that you can and move on with the hope to do better. For some of us, it takes work to do this. I can suggest to you that if you do put in the work, it does become easier and like changing habits, it becomes second nature.
When Dave and I finished our treatment in Arkansas, I suggested to him that when we go back for our check ups, we go back with a different perspective. That we stay in as nice place as we can afford, and that we explore and enjoy what Little Rock has to offer. I joke with people that we have romantic get aways twice a year – in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Truth is, Dave usually continues to work while walking to and from clinics, waiting to get the test, at the hotels, in the evenings. It’s not much of a romantic stroll in the River Market District. So I run around meeting up with MM friends that are there and making new ones.
This time we are staying in a place that has been recommended to us a few times, called the Rosemont. It’s a bed and breakfast with rooms and cottages. I’m looking forward to it.
We have also been offered a place to stay by a MM patient who has since moved to Little Rock to be close to UAMS and on top of her MM. Hopefully, we’ll stay with her next time and that I’ll meet up with her this time.
I’m sure all will be well as he is monitored closely at home and the monthly tests we have finally be able to send back are looking good as well. But Pet Scans, MRI’s, and the like, are good diagnostics to do in the event regular blood work isn’t showing everything.
The title is a bit of a misnomer for us, though not for many who deal with cancer. I feel very blessed that Dave and I really do go for tests and keep living our lives, even while doing that. We figure that if there’s a problem, they will find it and tell us. Unless something is hitting us in the face we just don’t have our attention on it. Normal precautionary measures are so ingrained in our life now, that it is not something we have much attention on. Like “wash your hands or you could get sick and if you get sick….” We don’t do that. We just do it. The dance gets easier, if you are in CR. If you are not, of course the struggle is more difficult. But for those of you in remission, try not to stress and worry about all the studies and lifespan proclamations. Take care of those things your attention is on and then get about the business of living and enjoying your life.
A long term survivor, 17 years, recently relapsed. I thought, how devastating it must be for his family, but for “us” its more like, SEVENTEEN YEARS! WOW! So I say to you, imagine if he spent the last 17 years worrying about his MM coming back? What a waste. Having met him and his wife a few times, I could see no sign of that in them. They were happy and delightful to chat with.
I’ll be thinking of you while I’m having BBQ Pork in Little Rock, somewhere cool!
lori, you must be so glad to have connected with wonderful friends in little rock; and that you were determined to have a good get-away experience by booking that lovely b & b! good the tests are over, too. thank you so much for keeping us posted on what’s happening, and for sharing all the ways you’ve learned to cope with life anew, both at home and in arkansas. warm hugs, karen
I continue to be very humbled and heartened by all your kind comments and words of encouragement. To have helped others is always an uplifting activity and trust me, it is returned to me tenfold through your comments and emails.
We finished all our tests yesterday and ran into some folks from our early days here, which is one of my most favorite things! Meeting new folks on their journey and seeing their HOPE factor rise through our interaction is always fulfilling. Having them ask which one of us has MM always gives Dave a boost in his stature and step!
I met up with Jan & Bruce yesterday, which is always wonderful for me. Though I would give anything if they were back home in Illinois enjoying their lives instead of being in Little Rock, still, each time we come. Had early dinner with Jan and a new MM friend, Andrea. This evening we are planning a GROUP of MM folks to get together at the Texas Roadhouse for early dinner so Bruce can join us. He gets tired and so we want to do it before he begins to fade! I love how we are all so sensitive to one another’s health needs and the healthier willing to accommodate those going through treatment without a single thought. We had great conversations with everyone while waiting for tests about their lives, their attitudes, viewpoints.
I was so exhausted though from the trip that I ended up taking a nap in the car in between the MRI and the Bone Marrow. Dave was going to be on the phone doing business and so I took the opportunity to just go close my eyes.
The B&B is incredible. Dave loves it too.
Today we will see our new doc and get an update on how Dave is doing. We expect it to all go well. No worries. But surely I will let you all know.
I (in Mississippi) am so thankful for finding this MM caregivers website where I can read and relate to so many things being said. My husband has had mm (IGA) for 4 yrs with chemo being done twice and now we are waiting for his severe pn to get better so that a maintenance program can begin (again). I will be checking in from time to time for uplifting and encouraging thoughts! Thank you Lori!!
Lori, a huge thank you for all your wisdom and sharing of your experiences – you are an inspiration to all caregivers. Hope all goes well in Arkansas!! Kay
Thanks once again Lori for your encouraging words 🙂
I hear ya Camille, I hear ya! Be sensitive to the transition you and hubby will be experiencing as you begin to “get your life back.” My blog started out of that transition and a very LOST feeling and needing to HEAL! I don’t think we realize just how much it has taken out of us until it begins to wind down! So be patient and kind to both of you as you migrate through this process and enjoy all the wonderful little things in life that are now so much sweeter! Like that sweet 8 year old throwing a tantrum over something mundane! 🙂 Mine are young adults now having recently graduated from college. When they have their crises and call me, I often get off the phone with Dave saying to me “What? What’s going on?” I respond, “Its a 22 (or 24) year old’s life crisis.” I try not to undervalue it for them, but I sure look at it all quite differently.
Thank you, Lori, for the congrats! I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in a looooong time!!! I can’t wait to hear the results from y’all’s visit, and will be praying for the very best news! [Yeah, yeah, I said y’all! I’m not so far from Arkansas! ; ) ]
Thanks Karen. Our young adult children also have benefitted from our courage and example in overcoming this challenge. When my husband went to our daughter’s final college meet, read up on the megatron board was her words to us paraphrasing, “for setting an example of overcoming life’s obstacles…” It surely touched our hearts. As parents we sometimes don’t get the luxury of feeling sorry for ourselves for too long! http://www.loripuente.com/2011/02/montanas-senior-day-video-montage/
BTW, Camille, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR CONTINUED CR! So happy for you!
lori, i so appreciated your comments about living in the present. it’s what hugh and i have been striving for since his 1st sct of 9/2010. you are so right – it does take practice and determination, but it is so worth it. i feel that our attitudes about living a well-lived and joyful life in the here-and-now also affect our young adult children in such a positive way. they see we are much more relaxed and have been able to shed old anxieties, and i think it has helped them do the same; and not just about us, the tests, and dr. appointments, but also in their very busy and and frenetic lives, raising their babies, maintaining a home and 2 full time careers. that’s a lovely dividend and one that is so comforting to hugh and me. i wish you and dave continued happiness and exacrly what you want the next experience in arkansas to be.
Thanks you two. Oh do work on it Camille. Just think of the courage you are teaching your 8 year old. To not let this “define” your life, or theirs. It’s so important for the both of you to make your life an adventure no matter what, as best you can. Don’t worry if it doesn’t come easy, just keep at it. I lost my father at 12 years old (almost 13). He had a very dangerous job and never missed a moment to teach us something or spend time with us. As a result when he died unexpectedly in an accident, while tragic, I tell people often that he taught me everything I needed to know to live a successful and happy life by then. Of course I wish he could have shared more of it with me, but I’m grateful for all the time we did have together.
I just got back from Little Rock last week. Still in cr!!! But I am having a terrible time with that whole ” try not to stress and worry about all the studies and lifespan proclamations. Take care of those things your attention is on and then get about the business of living and enjoying your life.” I have an 8 year old that I live in fear of leaving motherless! But I laughed about your romantic twice a year getaway to Arkansas! We get to have fun-filled family vacations there!
Lori: Do hope that things continue to go well for Dave (and you), and that all his tests are good.